A first violinist, a second violinist, a virtuoso violist, and a bass player are at the four corners of a football field. At the signal, someone drops a 100 dollar bill in the middle of the field and they run to grab it. Who gets it? The second violinist because:
1.) No first violinist is going anywhere for only 100 dollars.
2.) There's no such thing as a virtuoso violist.
3.) The bass player hasn't figured out what it's all about.

 
How can you tell if you're a musical nerd? If you get the joke below....

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight!"

E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.

Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor and is sentenced to ten years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

Had to get a viola joke in somehow; this one is in the form of a math problem...

Betty plays in the viola section. Despite her best efforts she is unable to play with the rest of the orchestra, and on average plays .35 seconds behind the rest of the viola section which is already .16 seconds behind the rest of the orchestra. If the orchestra is moving to a new concert hall with a reverberation time of 2.7 seconds, how long will she be able to continue playing this way undetected?